by Sally Treadwell

Gone are the days when you could throw an extra pair of jeans into a bag and be on the way to Morocco in two seconds flat. Travelling with kids is an art, and a somewhat overloaded art at that (have you seen how much stuff a baby requires, just for an overnight?) but, trust me, it’s oh-so worth it. The amazed and adoring eyes of a toddler sitting on Cinderella’s lap. The sight of your son, cuddled up against your grandmother as she reads him those familiar stories. Your children holding hands and jumping excitedly in the surf. Or discovering new mutual obsessions with your teenager—history, roller coasters, a certain musician or flavor of ice cream. Just relax, adapt, and ultimately enjoy.

Ban cluelessness
We all assume that kids will be just thrilled to go to strange places and to meet strange people; to go to sleep in their own familiar car seat and wake up in Connecticut.

But bear in mind that you probably wouldn’t be too thrilled if you’d had a long, grumpy car ride and then an enormous man with a hairy face—a man you didn’t know from Adam—threw you up in the air, quite out of the blue, and seemed to think you should give him a kiss. Why should you imagine your child is any different?

So go ahead, introduce them to Uncle Andy ahead of time. Frequently show your children, even babies, good clear photographs of all the friends and relatives who will be excited to meet them and tell stories about them; maybe do a little talking on the phone, or a face-to-face intro over a webcam.

Take the time to show them photos of the places they’ll be going to, as well. You know how kids always look a bit relieved to see the Golden Arches in a strange place, even if they never visit MickeyD’s? Make sure the Eiffel Tower, the Golden Gate Bridge, your mom’s house, or wherever on earth you’re going, are all equally familiar and beloved sights. I can still remember the absolute thrill of standing under the Arc de Triomphe of a
thousand images, and wondering how people could possibly be whizzing around it and taking it for granted.

Involve children in planning trips from the time they’re verbal. Older kids should be able to help research and should have some say in activities—particularly teenagers. The internet is invaluable for planning destinations, the trip, and all the activities and downtime you want. Be sure to keep things flexible.

Bring a friend
As children get older, they are less and less interested in hanging out with you, and that’s as it should be. If you have one child, consider asking one of their friends to come along. This can be challenging, but it’s worth it. With two or more children it’s trickier, unless you have a really, really big car. Planning to vacation with one or more families, or several branches and generations of your own family, is the answer for many people.

Bribery absolutely rocks…
Judicious bribery, that is. Eating in restaurants, riding in cars and airplanes, and sometimes even sitting through certain events might be a good time to bend the usual anti-bribery rules for small children. I used to pick up small, inexpensive toys and games all year and tuck them away to pull out at strategic moments. For long trips, I’d wrap several in layers of paper wrap (to buy time and add excitement) and then pull them out at intervals.

…And so do electronics
I’m usually careful about my kids’ TV and computer time, but on an international flight, hey, they can watch those fantastic headrest TVs or play Nintendo DS until their little heads spin around. We limit gadgets in cars more because long trips are a great time for taking in scenery, talking, playing I-spy and reading (or listening to) wonderful books, but they’re not off the table. Load cell phones with games for emergency help.

You will also be surprised at how much even the youngest kids love a headset. You can pick up tapes and CDs of music and stories at your library, or even download them onto an iPod via the library’s website.

Speaking of iPods, this might be a good time for your older child to share his music with you. Caution: some kids really want you to love what they love; others just think it’s creepy. Know your child, but be prepared to abandon your usual rules of classical or blues or Motown only along with fogey-style pronouncements of Good-Lord-the-music-today-is-horrible. (Some of it is, to me, but most isn’t—once I take the time to listen.)

A Change We Can Believe In
Accidents happen, and when you’re travelling they usually involve vast amounts of OJ or ketchup or even ickier things. Baggage loss or delays happen, too. So always pack a change of clothes and a toothbrush for each member of the party in your hand-luggage. If you’re going by car, pack one small bag with all those changes and put it in the trunk last of all—much easier than digging through suitcases in a rest area.

Flying Blind
It never ceases to amaze me how unprepared people are for flying with kids. There are a few cardinal rules:

Boarding: Oooh, you get to pre-board! But wait. Are you INSANE? Unless your child is already asleep, or unless you don’t have reserved seats, you should be absolutely the last people on the plane. Walk an infant near the windows, showing them the scene outside. Let toddlers run and run and run or skip rope in an empty gate area until they’re exhausted. Your reward: a kid who’s ready to nap.

Ears: Kids’ poor little ears are particularly vulnerable to pressure and you must have a plan to help them cope. Hear that screaming? That’s pain, not a tantrum. Sucking is key—I vividly remember the days when “air hostesses” brought around bowls of barley-sugar candy before take-off and landing.
•Babies: Big shawl, breastfeeding. ‘Nuff said. Works like an absolute charm. Bottles probably work well, too.
•Toddlers: Lollipop time, or anything they can suck on for a while. Sugar-free works just fine.
•Older kids: Chewing gum, hard candy, and/or or teach them the yawning trick.

Kicking: I don’t care what it takes, but don’t let them kick the seat in front of them. I’ve been known to go and formally introduce my child to the person in that seat and tell the kids that he/she really doesn’t like being kicked, so he/she is really glad they’re not going to do it—right? If they absent-mindedly start swinging feet, a glare or a cautioning touch usually brings them back into line.

Seat belts: Toddlers just adore unbuckling those seat belts, but rest assured, the plane will not, and should not, take off if your child isn’t buckled in (and would you really want to see your kid literally bouncing off the walls—and the overhead compartment?). Buy a special 5-point harness that tucks into your bag (about $60: groups of friends often take it in turns to buy rarely-used travel items and lend them around); whip a special snack or tiny gift out; read a fantastic story; keep them busy with a game of I-spy; show them the pictures or movies on your digital camera; or do the wow-look-out-of-the-window! thing.

Sleeping: Airline pillows and blankets are fine but BearHugs, 3-in-1 pillow and blanket backpacks, double as a toy and are fantastically soft. I’ve found that blow-up horseshoe neck pillows prevent achy necks; just don’t over-inflate. (Do not ask me how I know this.)

If you are doing a jet-laggy overnight flight, eat dinner in the airport and curl up the minute you’re on board. (Sleep masks are very helpful, and girls in particular are suckers for spa-style types.) No dinner, no movies, nothing to drink but water. You will not follow this advice, but trust me, it would really help if you did.

Carrying it: Kids should bring their own backpacks, choosing at least some of the items they hold and being responsible for the whole lot. You will be the ultimate judge of the weight they can easily carry. This not also lightens your load but also teaches them about tracking their stuff—you won’t be able to chase them with reminders when they’re in school, will you?

Less is More
Sure you paid big bucks for that Disney pass or trip to London, but don’t be so determined to wring every penny out of it that you ruin the trip. Schedule time for your kids to chase pigeons in Trafalgar Square or check out new music at the Virgin Megastore instead of simply route-marching them around endless sights. And think about just leaving that Disney park at 2 p.m. when your little kids are becoming tearful—maybe you’ll come back after a swim or nap, or maybe you’ve had all the fun you can handle. Value for money has a whole new meaning when kids are involved.

Break Rules
Bedtime’s normally at 8 p.m. sharp. SO? A consistent bedtime is an excellent thing; but so is learning about flexibility. You’re on vacation—if they plead to do that ghost walk or to help protect sea turtle nests at night, let them.

Time to Leave
Total strangers are incredibly kind to children, playing peek-a-boo on airplanes and picking up their toys in restaurants. You should thank them by being considerate. Children will occasionally have melt-downs and tantrums, and when they do, you must remove them from the situation, whether temporarily or permanently, as quickly and quietly as possible instead of ruining 200 people’s dinner. On an airplane, where that’s obviously not possible, just do whatever it takes.

And if you’re one of the people who is witnessing the horrors of a child in full scream mode despite a parent’s best efforts, be kind. Murmur an encouraging remark and smile. It helps. Comments about “if that was my child” or “you should just wallop him” do not.

Have a Sense of Humor
In your darkest vacationing hour, remember that this will make a heck of a good story later and will also serve to thoroughly mortify your teenager when they make snarky remarks about your technological ability (and all you hip young parents—yes, eventually it will happen to you too!).

Our kids have been our best teachers and companions on trips; our best excuses to eat ice cream for breakfast, play on jungle gyms, go to extraordinary places that any self-respecting sophisticated adult would miss entirely. Oh my. Have a blast!